This battle never ends…….
I feel really good for a while. But it doesn’t last. Eventually everything comes crashing back down. It is truly exhausting….
I have never considered the possibility that I have become manic-depressive, but tonight I am wondering….The last several weeks, maybe even months, have been really good. But, now, the last couple of days I haven’t been sleeping. Irritable. Overwhelmed. Tired.
I should be in a great mood today. I just made reservations for a “vacation of a lifetime” for my family. A trip my kids will never forget. Everyone is SO excited! Why not me? Why I am not sharing the excitement? It’s our first “real” family vacation. Ever. Sure, we’ve taken some short trips before, but this one is huge. I’ve been working my butt off to make it happen…..
Is it because I’m working my butt off in a cubicle in corporate America? Instead of doing the job I was born to do? But I can’t do that job any more…..So, does that mean I wasn’t really meant to do that job? But I was good at it. Damn good.
And now – I am just tired. Just. plain. tired.
This is a horribly sad story.
A ‘legendary’ Navy SEAL sniper was shot to death along with another man allegedly by another combat veteran. Chris Kyle, author of a best selling book about his four tours in Iraq, has been working with veterans dealing with PTSD. It is believed that the alleged gun man was one of these people Kyle was trying to help. Apparently, while at the range, the gun man “snapped”.
While I am devastated by this news about a true American hero losing his life, not in combat, but at home. Doing good by his fellow veterans, at the hands of another veteran, it raises concerns on a personal level.
Do I have the potential to “snap” like this? Could something push me over the edge and lead me to do something horrific?
I am not a veteran and have never had a violent side, so there are some obvious differences. But I do have a temper. And it seems my fuse has been much shorter since I have started addressing my PTSD issues. My therapist assures me this is not unusual but it is rather disconcerting.
Will I be the next one to “snap”? I sure hope not……
My thoughts and prayers are with Chris Kyle’s wife, 2 kids, and the rest of his friends and family.